Drunk Man Sings to Cat, Captures Imagination

And the one thing pets can't do...

Sam Wellerby Sam Weller

The internet loves drunk people as well as cats. Put them together, and well…you just get magic:

 

 

While this video was making the rounds yesterday, I started searching out a few other examples of owners singing to their pets. There’s a lot of them. But many feature owners doing duets with their favorite companions. And after watching so many of these bait and switch traps I’ve come to one conclusion.

PETS. CAN’T. SING.

 

"HaaaWWWKKllooo, HAAAWWlo, hhhAAAAoooo"

 

Look, there are a ton of videos of “amazing dog talks” and  “incredible opera cat” and a bunch of compilation videos of “LOLZ FUNNY CATS SING STUPID BULLS**T” (Okay, maybe I embellished there) But just because you want your pet to sing so badly doesn’t mean it can.


I’m sorry I can’t climb inside your skull and see the fantasy film you play for yourself.


Pets don’t even like music. SHOCKER. I think all they hear is muffled droning coming out of the stereo and then us smiling at them like idiots, so they wag their tail or look like they’re happy just because they think they’re getting a treat at the end.  


After you invest in all those “Mozart Goes to the Dogs!” cd’s get ready to weep, because most dogs (especially Dalmatians) go deaf in one ear eventually. They’re really more Beethoven than anything.

 

I can't believe Anthony Hopkins beat him out for Best Actor that year.

 

I know you think I’m heartless, but really people, give it up. The random howls of your cocker spaniel don’t mean it has some innate understanding of music WE NEVER SAW UNTIL NOW. Just love your pet for who he or she is. Life isn’t a Disney movie.

 

In fact, I’m going so far as to say no pet, no matter the age, can be touched by music…

 

 

LOOK AT TEH CUTE PUPPIEZ! DaaaaAAAAWWWW. THEY LIEK THE LULLABIZ!!!

 

You can venture further into the fantasy films of the author's mind @cravesam and subscribe to his history and comedy podcast Historectomy, that airs every week on Crave Online.