This past weekend one of the most anticipated movies of the decade, The Dark Knight Rises debuted with loads of fan fare and applause. Which means that a lot of your friends are going to be posting about it on Facebook.
But don’t you wish you had a useful guide to figure out what your friends are really trying to say? Luckily, we here at CRAVE have developed a useful little guide to help you get a heads-up on all the Internet subtext out there.
This is CRAVE ONLINE’s Decoding the Facebook Series: THE DARK KNIGHT RISES EDITION!
Janine (6 hours ago): Rasinets? Check. Popcorn? Check. This better be the best Batman movie ever!
What they’re really trying to say: I have a pre-written blog about how bad the movie sucks no matter what. It’s all about getting those hits on Janinehatesmoviesandhugs.com
Matt (yesterday): BANE was the BEST thing about TDKR. I know the rest of you DK fans probably won’t get it. I shouldn't have to tell you.
What they’re really trying to say: I farted underneath my covers once and couldn't find a way out so I know the importance of an artificial breathing apparatus.
Brian (moments ago): I cannot wait until the next Batman movie! To all the nay-sayers: It’s GONNA happen!
What they’re really trying to say: Found a post that says “Batman 4 in the works: McG to Direct!”
TJ (17 hours ago): It was good, okay, I’ll admit it. But I’d be interested to see what a proven director like Paul Thomas Anderson would do with Batman.
What they’re really trying to say: I would like to see a 45-minute scene of just Batman washing his hands.
Steve (about 23 minutes ago): This movie is a clear attempt by the liberal entertainment business to attack Mitt Romney and his past!
What they’re really trying to say: I am medically unable to enjoy anything without a sharp object in my ass.
Trisha (7 hours ago): An awesome movie. Not one for the kids, though!
What they’re trying to say: I bring my two-year-old to the movies because I firmly believe that crying babies make the viewing experience more enjoyable. Also, because I’m a horrible parent.
Mike (moments ago): Gettin’ wasted before BATMAN, this sh*t is gonna be off the chain!
What they’re really trying to say: Michael Caine is more understandable after a 12-pack of Coors Light.
Steve (yesterday): You call that a resolution!?! Christopher Nolan is a hack!
What they’re really trying to say: Don’t leave me, Chris! Don’t turn off the lights! I want you inside me. I want to touch you touching me.
Tune into CRAVE every week for more Decoding the Facebook!